Tribute to Arlene Feinberg
Jan 13, 2014 by Gift of Life
News
By Louise Cohen
With great sadness, we mourn the passing of the Founding Mother of Gift of Life. In June 1991 when the doctors said that her son Jay, then only 23 years old, would never find a matching bone marrow donor, they were unprepared for the passion and tenacity of this most quintessential of Jewish mothers. Instead of taking Jay home to prepare a bucket list, Arlene, together with her beloved husband Jack, set about the herculean task of saving their own child's life, as well improving the chances of survival of all the patients then in despair of finding their life-saving donors. Gift of Life was literally founded on the very dining room table where Arlene had been hostess to countless family celebrations over the years.
At a time when she had hoped to be thinking about retirement and relaxing in Florida, the Feinberg family travelled the country, organizing donor recruitment drives and fund-raisers, educating the world-wide Jewish community about the need for more life-saving donors.
People have called the Feinbergs "tireless" in their efforts, but as four years passed and Jay's health became more fragile, Arlene often confessed to friends "I am so tired" but then would continue the conversation with “But there's unbelievable news! We found a match for another patient this week!” She would share some of the details of the patient and donor’s lives and how thrilling it was to have brought them together. There would be an inevitable choke in her voice, as she would relate how brave Jay had been as he congratulated and encouraged the patient and donor and followed their progress throughout the transplant experience. All the while, the underlying fear – and even understandable anger -- would have overwhelmed a lesser person as she thought “Why are so many other people surviving and getting well because of our efforts, while my child still has not found his own match?”
As exhausted as she was, she always bounced back into action after a little shabbos rest and some of her own amazing chicken soup. Putting aside her own anxiety about Jay, she would give every patient the practical tools they needed to conduct a search, and she imparted her emotional strength and love to every patient and family that came to her for guidance through the donor search and transplant process. After four gruelling years Jay finally found his own miracle match, and Arlene joyously nursed him back to health. At that point many people would have breathed a sigh of relief and decided that they had earned some relaxation. Arlene, however, remained as committed and hard-working as ever.
During the difficult years of Jay's search, and in the Gift of Life decades that followed, she had the amazing ability to remember everyone who crossed her path. Years later she could tell you what wonderful drives particular people had run, how patients were doing, what was new with their families. She empathized with their problems and shared their joys.
Arlene truly became the quintessential “Jewish mother” --in all the best senses -- to patients, families, donors and volunteers who had the good fortune to become part of her wonderful extended "family."
Today we grieve for her loss, but we take comfort from knowing that there are hundreds of people alive and well because of her. Gift of Life, born from one mother's extraordinary efforts, with G-d's help, will soon see a time when no patient, or his mother, will ever have to endure the horrible moment when the doctors say that there is no match for them.
Zichrona l'bracha, may her memory be a blessing, just as her life was a blessing to so many.
